Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize