I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
