I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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