I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't think brook has ever known best
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
