Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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