I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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