Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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