I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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