It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
