I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
