I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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