Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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