hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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