My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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