She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
