just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
