i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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