Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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