he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
