my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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