Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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