dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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