She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Drunk is not a location!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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