I smell stomach acid.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
