My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
