Your mouth is God's brothel.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize