Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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