Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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