Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
