You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
