this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
