I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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