Your mouth is God's brothel.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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