I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
