your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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