i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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