the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
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She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
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Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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