i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
