It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
