so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
