WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
