The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have feelings that need drinking.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me