The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.