I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.