This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?