If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
