I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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