So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
