Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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