hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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