So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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