...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
