Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
