she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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