I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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