party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
