dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
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I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
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If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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