And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
