So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
