You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
