seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
