69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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