I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
