Soap is not a condiment
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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