At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
we made out on top of his cat.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
