I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
