you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
