Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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