how can u be prego again
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
there's paper in my vomit.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
