she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
